New Divorce Trend: Separate with a Selfie
A New Trend Has People Saying “Cheese” with Divorce Decrees
And now you may kiss… your ex!
We were used to marriages starting out well, with a kiss and some sparks, and usually ending in a fight.
But more and more marriages seem to be… ending well.
Here are a few examples of this new divorce phenomenon:
Bill Murray has even gotten caught-up in the mix.
An early case of this new divorce trend came from pop culture, when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced their “conscious uncoupling” in 2014.
Many people found it shocking that Paltrow did not emphasize the mess and stress of her divorce, but rather made it sound quite “breezy.” And while the no mess-no stress mantra may not have applied 100% even in the Paltrow-Martin case, the two might have popularized the pursuit of an amicable spit.
Since then, the trend has developed along with, and maybe supported by, an abundance of new tools for friendly, even loving, splits.
Fuel for the Post-Nuptial Friendship Fire
How-to Books for Happy Divorces
There are books that detail the new take on separation.
For example Splitopia: Dispatches From Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well; The Optimist’s Guide to Divorce: How to Get Through Your Breakup and Create a New Life You Love; and (obviously) Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Ever After.
Professional Divorce Whisperers
There are traditional divorce support specialists, such as divorce mediators, who facilitate a discussion around issues such as co-parenting and division of property, assets, and debts. And there is a new breed of divorce support specialists. These include divorce doulas and divorce coaches, who provide emotional, informational, and logistic support.
Divorce doulas encourage women going though divorce, but also help them to coordinate the many professionals that may be involved (lawyers, accountants, financial advisors, etc.).
Divorce coaches help devise a strategy before starting the divorce procedure and offer support with the paperwork. All of which, in-turn, helps people find some perspective and feel calmer and more in control.
These processes, however, can take time.
Programs for a Pain-Free Split
When it comes to the actual divorce process, if you’re looking to get a speedy divorce, and your circumstances allow it, there are divorce hotels that claim to help you split in one weekend: check in to the hotel and check out of your marriage.
The company behind the concept, the Dutch Divorce Hotel International, promises to make divorce easier and cheaper, by offering packages that include mediation and lawyers.
And if that doesn’t work for you, depending on your circumstances, you may still be able to get a divorce online through Divorce Hotel or through other websites such as Wevorce that use alternative dispute resolution techniques and technology. In some cases other proprietary tools, such as Wevorce’s own 5-step methodology, are used to help facilitate the dissolution of marriage.
Friends and Family Payment Plans
A collaborative divorce typically reduces the cost of dissolution because you save time (most legal professionals charge by the hour) negotiating a settlement since you are able to work directly, and effectively, with your soon-to-be-ex.
But even “reduced costs” doesn’t mean free. Good news, though. Your fees can now be covered by crowdfunding your divorce.
Platforms, such as Plumfund, let your friends and family pool their money to help you through divorce.
Need cash? You can request monetary donations. Lost some coveted items in the split? You can set up a divorce registry for all the tangible store-carried items you will need to start your new life.
Separating with a Smile: The Post-Divorce Selfie Trend
The Goal is Avoiding Hostility and Embracing Vivacity
The common denominator of these divorce process options?
Minimizing stress, maximizing the chances of an amicable breakup, and bringing the cost of divorce down.
The search for a friendly divorce and a harmonious relationship with the ex-spouse seems to be driven by a number of wants and needs.
The new generation of amicable divorce-seekers want to be in good physical and emotional health. They want to avoid the mistakes of the previous generation – the bitter and resentful divorces of their parents. They want to model positive behaviors for their children so that the children can be emotionally healthy. They want to pursue new romantic relationships and new or more fulfilling careers. And they want to explore alternative ways to structure a family.
It’s as if a veil had been lifted.
Not only can divorce be an opportunity to redesign your life, it can actually go well.
Some Caution is Advisable
These trends may make it seems as if divorcing is suddenly as quick and easy as removing a band-aid. But that is not the case.
Divorce can still be painful and time-consuming. Revisiting and processing emotions even through coaching, counseling, and mediation can be hard. It can take days, weeks, or months to fully recover emotionally and/or financially.
Furthermore, one of the main deciding factors on how you are able to get a divorce are laws and regulations where the couple is living and filing for divorce.
In the US, divorce laws vary among the states. For example, in Washington, it would only be possible to finalize the divorce papers through Divorce Hotel. But going through the entire process in a weekend would not be possible, as the state law requires a 90-day “cool-off” period between the initial filing and the finalization of a divorce.
Also, these recent divorce tools and trends may not be suitable for everyone.
They require having a number of elements in place, for example, the fact that both partners are “in the same spot” in the relationship, the fact that they are on speaking terms and willing to cooperate, and the fact that each of them has, or can assemble, a support network (family, friends, professionals).
Certainly though, these new tools that are spurring the amicable divorce trend represent a whole new range of options, and may end up giving the “happily ever after” phrase a whole new meaning.
A happy ending indeed.
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