Dating after a divorce can be hard. You don’t want to let your divorce sabotage your new relationship. There are several bad habits you should avoid if you’re looking to get out there and start dating. Here are 4 mistakes you don’t want to make.
1. Be Too Close to Your Ex – The Basically Still Married Guy
If you’re really close to your ex, you may be the “Still Married” guy.
HOW TO IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM
This guy’s in constant contact with his ex-wife, probably texting her several times a day. Although they live apart now, they have keys to each other’s places and drop in all the time. His ex-wife likely helps him pick out clothes and get dressed for dates. Listening to the “Still Married” Guy, it would be difficult to figure out why he even got divorced.
MAJOR MISTAKES
- He will bring up his ex-wife, telling the story of how they first met and fell in love.
- If he is talking about the problems in his marriage, he will still focus on all the great things about his ex.
- He’ll compliment his date by telling her that she reminds him of his ex-wife.
THE SOLUTION
It’s great to be on good terms with your ex, but trying to show your date how close you and your ex are is likely to backfire. So keep talk about your ex to a minimal or possibly none for the first few dates. Also, ask your buddies if you’re weirdly close to your ex-wife. They’ll give you some good insight. If you’re still in love with her, you should come to terms with the relationship being over before you start dating.
2. Be Too Mad at your Ex to function – The Shell Shocked Guy
Divorce can feel like war. You can come out on the other side devastated, angry, and still really really mad about things. If you’re having a hard time letting go of what happened, you might be the “Shell Shocked” guy.
HOW TO IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM
The “Shell Shocked” Guy is still fighting his divorce in his mind even if the legal proceedings are over. He will bring up his divorce as early as possible and let everyone know his ex-wife was the villain. He’s often very needy. Going through such a hard time means he needs a lot of support. He will text immediately after and want to meet with his date again or even just talk. Unfortunately, the only topic he wants to discuss is how his ex-wife wronged him.
MAJOR MISTAKES
- He is likely to spend the first date going over things his ex said about him during the divorce and why they were totally untrue and prove she is a bad person.
- He gives the impression that his only goal is to prove he was the victim in his divorce.
- He will be too clingy.
THE SOLUTION
If you’re this guy, the old adage “bros before hoes” hits close to home. You need to have some really good friends who can support you through this time, and help you heal. If you’re dating, you need to have a strict no-details policy about your divorce, because you’re not in a good place to talk about it yet. Remember, you can’t have a good relationship with someone new until you process and forgive the wrongs of your old relationship.
3. Living like it’s the good ol’ days – The Slacker Life Guy
It’s not uncommon to want to find a happy place after your divorce. Unfortunately for some guys, that happy place looks a lot like their college dorm room. If you’re waking up next to pizza slices, you might be the “Slacker Life” guy.
HOW TO IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM
The “Love the Slacker Life” Guy thinks that playing video games and drinking beer all night are awesome! Doing laundry and shaving are not priorities…at all. Whether his hobby is video games or watching pro-sports, he spends a lot of time hanging out with his buddies. Some women may enjoy sitting on folding chairs and watching a guy play Grand Theft Auto on a date. In the real world though, most women will pass on the “Love the Slacker Life” Guy until the party is over and he returns to acting his age.
MAJOR MISTAKES
- He’ll invite a date over for pizza and ask her to bring a six-pack.
- He acts 20 years younger than he is.
- He thinks it’s fun for his date watch him play video games.
THE SOLUTION
It’s great to be laid back, but too laid back codes as being a loser. Women want to date someone who knows how to take care of things. To show them you can take care of their needs, you have to take care of yourself. Clean clothes, trimmed beard, nice place. If you need to “not care” for a while, then dating might have to wait. To get good advice, ask your female friends for their honest opinion on your lifestyle.
4. Tell Your Date Too Much Too Soon – The TMI Guy
It can be difficult to know when the right time to talk about a past divorce is while dating. It is important to mention it early so it doesn’t come as a surprise. However, going into too much detail too soon can sour a new relationship. If you keep having dates where you bear your soul and they never call back, you might be the “Too Much Information” guy
HOW TO IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM
The “Too Much Information” Guy feels he should lay everything out on the table from the first date. Whether it was great or terrible, he will feel the need to talk about everything from his divorce in great detail so that his date understands exactly where he is coming from. He thinks it is especially important to explain how his married sex-life affected him.
MAJOR MISTAKES
- One of his favorite topics for a first date is his sex life with his ex-wife, or just sex in general.
- He tells his date about his entire married life.
- He talks constantly.
THE SOLUTION
Don’t talk about sex with your ex. Just. Don’t. And let your date bring up sex before you do, or else it comes off as creepy. Also your divorced life isn’t public record. Wait until you’re asked something, and keep your answer simple, straightforward and short.
Wait for your “Wrong Guy” phase to pass
It’s tough to be divorced and dating again. You might find yourself practicing some of these bad habits. The reason that some men find themselves acting like the “Wrong Guys” is that they haven’t let enough time pass since their divorce before dating. The amount of time to wait is different for everyone. If you find yourself still talking too much about your ex-wife, you may want to wait a little longer. There is no harm in letting the “Wrong Guy” phase pass before getting serious about dating.
Give our family lawyers in Tacoma, WA today.
UPDATED: 05/11/2022
